16 hours of straight work plus spotted dick= storys about fighting!

I was kinda getting into this whole blog thing as a kinda way to vent my daily demons and what not ,then it hit.. WORKAPALOOZA 2005

Been workin like john candy on a treadmill for the last couple of days due to the untimely absence of one work mate named mandy who had to take some time off to drive up to sydney and bust a move with somenes old relatives. Which in turn meant that i had to work a 16 hour day last friday with the other bogans from work making 300 fucking pies for rugby bogans who were to pissed to eat them! . On a lighter side though i was so freakin tired that once i hit a bar called barrys for some frisky 80's dancin and hit the $4 bourbs ( no melbos!) i was off dancin with thug life with a guy who resembled chunk from the goonies 20 years down the track.. good times good times.. Unfortuneatly for me the next day we had to make 10,000 pieces of food for bruno grollo s wife who is bringing out a book about some town near moe' , i'm sure it'll be a raging success *quote written while mafiso hold gun to my head and threaten to give me the old concrete bath under the new eureka building* after this i was tired..dog tired and such has been pretty much the rest of the week wrapped up nightly in a nice sage scented procuito bow.But today we finished early and hit the pub with our tip money.. i've now learnt that tradys +beer += storys about punch ons you or your friends have been in or seen..this conversation may go on for hours on end each story getting more dramatic after each beer ,ie: " yeh so i fuckin like 40 guys came round the corner with fuckin electric jousting poles and me and johno were like fuck but then johno remebered he had a fuckin taheitian blow dart in his pocket and took out the leader while i finished the rest with a matrix style vann damme axe kick to the head..Then we stole there identitys and cars drove to melbourne...and here we are" ahh tradies god bless them.. god bless them everyone..

Now im off to watch Rod " denture water" mcleoud blow me away with some rockin tunes at the fertree gully

Peace out jerks
Jazzcat

Shotgun kicking your bitch ass!

Dont think i can take anymore of this bollocks..
being an apprentice chef means that i am required to go to tafe in box hill once a week .. now theres two major things wrong with this
A: im 22 and the class in mainly made up of 18 year oldbox hill station rats and...
B: Shotgun!!

Shotgun is this guy in my class who i am pretty sure was cloned from a growth in my back to be my evil twin as he epitimises everything i find wrong with the universe.
His many list of quirks includes telling me about all the hardcore drugs he does on the weekend and all the "weak dogs" him and his boys gang bashed cos they we're getting "Fuckin lippy with us" he also loves telling storys about how he went bird shooting with his cus in libya and " Shot a fuckin A.K mate for serious a fuckin A.K and i wasnt even scared or nothin i just fuckin shot the fuckin birds to pieces " oh and he also finds the topic of september 11 absolutley hilarious .But that i could handle cos lets face it i live in bayswater and pretty much half of the youth of bayswater is exactly like this ,the one thing i cant handle is his use of the fuckin word shotgun!.

I'm sure we're all aware of the shotgun rule regarding the front seat of the car.. this guy shotguns everything and i mean everything he shotguns parsley , he shotguns lighters ,he shotguns pencils HE SHOTGUNS SHIT THAT BELONGS TO PPL HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW!.For some reason he's come to the thought space that as long as he says shotgun that now that item no matter what it is now belongs to him , i had to calmly explain to him the other day that just becasue he says SHOTGUN FIVE DOLLARS doesnt mean he can have the five dollars i just took out of my wallet and put on the table...i think the only way to defeat this mindless clone bogan is to challenge him to a duel. I Jazzcat challenge you shotgun to.. Pistols at dawn!.

SHOTGUN PISTOL
we both get a pistol dickhead
SHOTGUN YOUR PISTOL
*sigh* bang..

Possibly the only man on the planet with less brains than Tom cruise!


I was just watchin on the news that apprently douglas wood the semi australian dude who was held hostage for 49 days by iraqi terrorists is now contemplating returning to iraq!!!

Now correct me if im wrong but if you had been captrued as a prisoner of war and held hostage and tortured and bashed for 49 fucking days due to the extreme actions a group of ppl have taken agaist war in there country and most likely the same ppl who we have watched over the last year fucking decapatate ppl for the exact same reasons doesnt that ring the old alarm bell and raise the question hmmm...maybe its time to find a job somewhere else..maybe somewhere that u dont have to fear death everytime you hang out the washing..

Its like Sam neil going back into the t-rex cage cos he forgot his stylish akubra!! you've tempted fate and won once dude dont rub it in the dinosaurs face or he's gonna come back and eat you while your hiding in the toiliet.. but then again this is the guy who instead of asking about his family when found asked about his fuckin footy team !! what an aussie !

" I am the lizard King"


Im sitting here on my computer thinking of some sort of witty first post to put on this thing.. Seeings as im partially computer illiterate ( fuck it took me 45 minutes to get this far in the process) things arent lookin good for the ole jazzcat.

My first attempt was some babble about all the things i can possibly bring to help enrich the lives of ppl reading this i.e helping ppl elude junkies on public transport, tricking jahovas into doing your washing and things that scare away groups of wasted homeys intent on stamping your skull in, ( the answer to this being a barage of rhetorical questions...and fire) just various helpful tidbits that ive picked up along my trails through life in suburbia.


But i turned my back on that idea and decided to go with the honest approach..

im 22 years old , im a chef, im a lover of all things music , and all my friends are outrageous bogans..

kind of sounds like the opening lines of a simon and garfunkel song doesnt it.. rocknroll baby ,peace out