Tit clamp vending machine


Saturday night was another big night in celebration of t-nuggs birthday , i somehow managed to obliterate myself during the course of the night of 80's dancin sheananigans as well as giving thao some bitchin presents including the key to his soul and shared neon vibrator from me and beccy boop , the vendin machine we got it from also had an array of other items such as tit clamps and edible undies for bargain basement prices , all public places she have lusty vending machines! because how many moments have u been in a crowded public area and thought damm id like some underwear that some can eat RIGHT OFF MY BODY! or geez my nipples need a clamping ! cos i know i've been in these sitauations many a time and i just thank the good lord that someone is finally giving the public what they want NAY deserve ! i only wish our good friend quick couldve been there to celebrate it with us , i know he woulda had a rip snorter of a time at our new found home of retro dancing!

The next morning a woke up intwined it the twisted sleeping body of my fmeale companion and seeings though i am to tall to fit in her miniscule single bed ( fuck gary coleman would have trouble sleeping in this thing!) she was sleeping in on my mattress on the ground , a raging hangover mixed with a knee in tbhe spine are very harsh things to wake up to on a sunday morning then i remember that we have to get up and go to church for her cousins first holy communion.. this is a much more harsh reality , and i just hope jesus forgave me for turning up to his house of worship in such a shady state , i havent been to church in a very very long time and it seems to be alot less convincing now ... i really dont imagaine that if there is a god or higher being that he would want to be revered in this way , with all the kneeling and "praise be to his naming's" i think that there has to be a less formal and accusing way to worship ones god , but hey who am i to mess up 2000 years of tradition ey ,

We then had the typical italian function to attend afterwards , these things if you are not aware generally go for about 5 hours and you are fed about 7 courses of food , this was luckily only 4 courses but still almost 5 hours of italian music and dancing mixed with childrens songs and 60's rock classics plus ooing and aahing over the pretty little communion children is an obsolute soul draining experience , i think somewhere between the canneloni and the chicken dance my inner being actually left my body for a time and just left my skeleton behind to appreciate what i would most likely call a good time in 20 years in the future , but i guess it beats staying home and watching australian idol! god damm im a cynical bastard,

Jazzcats tip of the week is the new wolfmother track , i thinki ive bagged them before for being a huge zeps rip off but hey this new track is a killer! i forget what it's called but its always played on triple j, check it out if you can be fucked

big week of work this week , working all weekend including sunday so might not get out much , but hopefully get together enough cash to pay my train fine so i dont get tied to the tracks and run over by a connex train while an evil man with a curly moustache MUHAHAHA's at me

p.s the slot jockeys won a thriller semi final by one point in the dieing seconds on monday night , grand final here we come, so u can take that to the salvos and smoke quicky you mother fucker hahaha

Honey leave the light on for me

Jazzcat

THE UNITED STATES OF INSANICA

Everyday i do split shifts at work and normally get about 2 hours break and generally cant be botherd doing anything besides sit back drink coffee , listen to music and read the paper and everyday in the world section i read some other crazy crap about america

I was shocked to read that they only just put through a bill which makes it illegal to torture prisoners of war ! after all the crap theyve had to go though with iraq and there was still 15 ppl out of a hundread who voted agaist it , who in there right mind could go ... hmmm no i reakon hooking someones nuts up to a car battery is completely justified in any situation , and these are the guys who are apprently in the fore front of the free world , not only that but goerge W is nominating some 80 year old judge who is agaist affirmitive action and womans rights as one of his right hand men ! So we've got some old bracer wearing guy who most likely eats possum for dinner while lookin over his slave plantation and givin his mrs the old one two combo for not buying the right brand of chewin tobacco giving advice to a interlectually impaired cowboy on peace, justice and world affairs , these are the minds responsible for shaping the western world and theyd be lucky to figure out the, socks THEN shoes puzzle that faces them every morning when they wake up i tell ya what..

In other news my team the slot jockeys is playin our semi final hoop fest tnght and ive got high hopes for a grand finals birth... so to all those ppl who were givin us shit about getting " pantsed" last season (i.e t-nugg and canadian quick) be prepared to eat your words bitchs when me and the j dogg lay down the business on the wombat crew old school!!

i got game fools

Jazzcat



Jazzcat

I've got a ticket to ride bitchs ~!!!!


Well i finally got my licence last week. Wasn't as monumental of a moment like i thought it would be , for strters the lady who passed me gave me a 10 minute lecture about safe driving before she would give me my god dammed piece of paper!! i wanted to pimp slap her in the face and tell her that now she 'd passed me i had no more use for her bullshit and that i was gonna find her house and do circle work in her front yard and run over her pets!! ...but i'm to nice of a guy and sat there and thought of all the bitchin drivin tunes i would be listenin to instead while smiling politely and giving her my best scouts honour i would be an upstanding citizen on the road and always give way to ppl with poor home lives or thopse who listen to johnny cash

I then got home and went for a cruise and somehow totally erased not ever having a licence .. it was like i 'd always had it and it didint seem to be new to me at all , i was about as excited as a 10 year old who gets new jocks from his nanna for christmas, how very strange... anyway it's good to be on the road and ill be paying back all the scabbed lifts i've taken over the years to come , coupons for one only offers for the ole drunken pick up will be givin out soon. But please keep in mind that petrol is HELLA expensive and i am HELLA poor so cut a brother some slack.
I'll come get any of you wasted bogans at anytime but lets try and keep it to a minimum .

It's my day off today and its good to have one , i'm getting so disenchanted with work it's not funny , the sight of food is lately sickening me and i reakon if i see ian hewitson in the street ill probly kick his skull in. I just gotta push through for a bit longer i guess then ill have all of january off and hopefully new horizons will open . god willing they will anyway

Jazzcats tip of the week is claire bodrwitch and the feeding set , nice accoustic oz folk album which soughta drifts between tori amos ,cat power and the waifs , really good album to drive around at night to , ior listen to while your sleeping . but a disclamer should be attached to it stateing " WARNING : do no listen to while on the way to party or any other happy occasion , as you will be brung down to mood of life contemplative euphoria so quickly your eyeballs may well be sucked out the back of your head.

Might see some of you jerks on friday night or possibly at mikeys on saturday

All my friends drive a low rider...

Jazzcat